My Story

“Trust me I am a doctor,” she said. That commenced my full decade into Hell. “Take these,” she said and handed me some tablets. “But there’s nothing wrong with me,” I objected. That is when she pulled rank. I had consulted her about a family member.

The changes were subtle at first. But then, suddenly, when bouncing my son on my knee... I felt nothing... It had always filled me with happiness. The difference was too stark to ignore.

Back to the psychiatrist. I was the patient this time. She doubled the dose. And added a diagnosis. I had full blown MDD, Major Depressive Disorder. My duty towards my children, that never left me. Yet the part that enabled one to survive and thrive in a corporate setting, that part just didn’t care anymore.

When I had to fly to another continent on business, the jet lag from the time difference combined with the drugs left me in a confused state, so I stopped taking them. The very next day I felt wonderfully better. I stayed off them for 6 weeks, but then a worse depression hit me. When I went back to the doctor for help she shouted at me for stopping.

Other strange things started to happen. One morning I couldn't remember how to dress myself. I'd stood there puzzling whether to put my shoes or my socks on first. I stopped the drugs again. Same pattern. This time she put me on something even stronger.

Then someone told me the truth; the medication was the cause. Not a side effect. The cause. It was a lightbulb moment. The reason why when thinking what I would do next, it always crept in. Every day. Mmm, go for a walk, or a swim, or kill myself. Bizarre.

I tried to taper. Cut 50% I was told. I was in the parking garage of a skyscraper. I had arrived for an appointment with a top corporate client. But first I sat in my car and cried for fifteen minutes. Dried my eyes and did the appointment, but had to go back on full dose.

I finally worked out a way to cut my dose by 1/28. I stayed on 27/28 dose for two weeks until withdrawal stabilised, and then tapered 1/28 again. I informed my psychiatrist what I was doing. “If you do this,” she said, “You will die.” My response was, “I am already dead.”

This time it worked, I could tolerate the slow withdrawal. I started to feel better and better as there was less drug in my system. I took my last pill 21 years ago. A decade on, and now 21 off! 

For years after tapering, my body was still unstable - random depressed days, plus metabolic instability. Then eleven years ago I discovered keto and those days stopped. They never came back.

To safely heal from iatrogenic (drug induced) harm, only an integrated approach works. One that sees you as the whole being that you are. The 5Fs Framework creates a structure within which the coaching partnership takes place.

IN SHORT: You are not buying a diet plan or a set of videos. You will gain a year of intensive, personalised, high-touch coaching from someone who has lived the long-term medication experience. I work daily with the metabolic + behavioural + psychological realities of coming off and staying off psych drugs.